Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Stress - II

Part I

"They" emailed this morning while Jeff was in a meeting with a large hospital group discussing his future in their organization. "They" being Florida asked Jeff to give them a call back. Which he promptly did and only got a voicemail..... Then we waited allllll daaaay for the call back.
Phones at the ready. Nothing, Nada, Zippity DooDah, Zilch!
Waiting is such a drag!

Other people called. Local people. One set up a phone interview for tomorrow morning at 8am. This is good news.
His meeting with the large hospital organization went well. They talked about future. They discussed possibilities... They assigned resources to help him find a job within the organization. They seemed very helpful...

3 different potential employers in one day and still no direction.
I should be hopeful, my loving and patient husband pointed out to me while I had him on the phone. I was walking down a sidewalk in SW Portland on my way to one of my favorite places on earth Powells Books! I was angry, I was emotional, I was scaring the panhandlers gathered at the corner.

I just need something concrete. I'm tired of people showing interest. Interest is grand IF it develops into something concrete.

I realize I'm sounding like a spoiled brat. I have felt strangely unemotional this past week. I kept wondering about that. Was I past the point of caring??? Well, today everything came back and apparently I still do care, very much!

Part II

Update: "They" called. We are not moving to Florida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)


It's 8:25 am right now Jeff is meeting with a large hospital organization. The same one that bought out his practice which has put him out of a job.

They are meeting to discuss his future in their system. Jeff says it most likely wont be for any specific job just some nebulous what are your strengths, OK we will keep an eye out for you...

I want it to be for a specific job. A great job. A job like the one in Florida. Is that to much to ask for?????

Jeff told me yesterday that he was told by someone in this hospital system that his resume has been "fast tracked" meaning it has been sent out throughout this large hospital system with instructions to find Jeff an job. This is good news and I hope they hop to it!!!

They also stated they had a job opening in Medford...suddenly Florida doesn't look so bad....

Medford - Florida these are the options????

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It's been a week

My garden :( We paid good money to have a nice farmer from Woodland come down with his tractor to till the ground. And then it started to rain, in fact it was raining when he came to till. It didn't stop raining until about a week ago. Weeds love rain.. (I think that is a sunflower)

Last night we finally made the commitment and dug out little spaces in the weed choked ground and planted a baby garden. I had tilled a separate pumpkin patch. I love to grow pumpkins and I had grand plans for 9 or so plants of various varieties but the "pumpkin patch" is now a lawn so I have reduced my dreams of being a pumpkin farmer to two pumpkin plants at this time...

5 Tomatoes, various peppers, basil and rosemary and two pumpkin plants.

Last year there were potatoes, celery, onions, beans, peas, zucchini, cantaloupe, carrots, tomatillos, sunflowers, dahlias....sign...

I did find a plant that already had a baby tomato! I am so excited over this baby tomato! I will be nurturing and monitoring this guys progress

My trellis. I have been waiting for years for it to have a thick canopy. I love this!

Raspberries. Almost ready!

For Mother's Day my boys bought me 4 beautiful roses and then built me a lovely garden box. They are doing nicely :)

I took the plunge and planted a baby garden. I call it a baby garden because it takes up about a fourth of the space we originally tilled.
It feels so good to be out there in the mornings in the dirt. I really enjoy starting my day that way. The boys stay far away from me in fear that I will recruit them, so it is a peaceful time...

We've been home a week.

Last week I wrote that I knew they wouldn't call when they said they'd call. So I can say "I told you so" but it still annoys me.

It would seem that they won't be offering a job after all. But we have thought that before. We have waited for a call and then stopped waiting and then BAM they called.

It would be annoying/frustrating/relief, if after all the emotional drama of the past few months (this began mid March!) they didn't even offer the job to Jeff.

But it's silly to live life on hold. For my sanity I need to live. I need a garden to play in. I need to enjoy my friends and family and I need to start my mornings on my porch swing with a hot cup of chai.

I don't need laundry :(

Monday, June 28, 2010


My view from our porch swing.

My trellis. A birthday gift from my husband. I love Wisteria! Another thing I wouldn't be able to take with me...

Here we go again... another week of waiting...

Jeff is thinking at this point that he doesn't want to go to Florida. I should be jumping up and down...I'm not???

He wonders what value to place on living where you want to. We love living here. As we have this discussion we are sitting in our backyard. We are very blessed with our location. When we bought this house 6 years ago I really thought this would be it. I was 35 at the time and I had moved some 30 times up to that point.

As we discuss our options. Option A: Take a position (if they call!) and become a Vice President (very sexy I tell him) and completely uproot our lives by moving across country to that God forsaken sandbar in the far southern corner of the country. Which means he would be employed by a company that is financially secure and offers security for the remainder 20 years of his career.
Or....Option B: Turn it down because we don't want to live on a bug infested, unbearably hot, sandbar. And continue to live here happily in our lovely corner of the country until the $$$ runs out...

The problem with option B is that there isn't any financial security. Will something turn up??? Maybe, what if it doesn't?? What then?? I don't want to think about "what then" because then I really get freaked out

So this is the reason I don't jump up and down when Jeff says "maybe I shouldn't take the job"
It's complicated...

Friday, June 25, 2010


As you can see, I have a special talent in the garden! If you'd like to order some of my special "porno seeds" give me a call ;)

It's Friday.

It's 7:51 am Pacific Time and 10:51 East coast time. It has taken me all week to sleep until 7 am It's amazing how quickly I adjusted to East coast time.

Limbo - It's a terrible place to be. Should I plant a garden? Should I pack boxes? Should I give away all of my warm fuzzy sweaters??

I need direction. I get all freaked out and shut down when I don't know where I'm headed. Right now I have no idea where I'm headed.

I really want to plant my garden. It was tilled and then the rain came. Lots and lots of rain. Then I went to Ca. Then I went to Fla and now its the end of June and what was tilled is now overcome by weeds. If we don't move I will be so disappointed that I don't have piles of gorgeous tomatoes and peppers growing in the garden. If we do move it will be one more thing to be sad about leaving....

Last week Jeff was told he would get a call this week regarding Florida. I knew it wouldn't happen. (yes, I tend to be negative when things don't go my way!) This individual has had a habit of saying he will call at specific times and then doesn't. It's not like he says I'll call at 2 on Mon and then doesn't call until 3 on Tue. He says I'll call you next week and then 3, 4, 5 WEEKS later, just as I'm finally not thinking about it anymore. Just as I have decided I don't have to worry about it anymore. Just as I have finally relaxed, the phone rings.

I hate to wait. I have no patience. I don't understand people who are patient. I work really hard to not be late so people don't have to be patient with me. But for the many who have been patient for me, Thank you very much!!!!

I find it frustrating, this boys world of business. The games of negotiation, being coy and making sure you don't seem to eager by asking certain questions. Even if they are the questions your wife needs to know the answer to, so she can go about planning are lives.

Yesterday there was an email from Florida. Not THE email. The one which would hold answers and give us the opportunity to make decisions and plan our course. No, just a simple email, saying I hope your home safe, I hope you enjoyed Busch Gardens, I haven't had a chance to speak with everyone yet, let me know if you have any questions....


As Jeff looks for a job he has had other places show interest in him. Sadly, most are out of the NW. Chicago and Denver are two. Last week he got us all excited about a possible job in Vancouver and applied for it.

Yesterday, he turned down Chicago (whew!!!) and also sadly the Vancouver job wouldn't work.

I think this would be a difficult situation regardless of the time of year but I feel a certain pressure regarding this particular timing because of the time of the year.

If we are to move to Florida school begins there August 9. That is in exactly 45 days.

45 days! Plenty of time if say your hoping to drop a few lbs before swimsuit season but not nearly enough time to sell a house, buy a house, move across country (its a VERY, long drive!) move into new house, get registered and as I was informed during my visit last week my youngest has to be tested (they test everyone) before school begins and needs to have a physical by a FLORIDA physician (really???) Oh, there goes my blood pressure....Time to go to my happy place...

I think I'll plant a tomato plant today....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

What the kids think

Josh's birth was dramatic to say the least. Try not to notice my double chin :))

Ty's birth in comparison was a piece of cake :) (notice I'm trying to hide double chin in this pic)

Both of my kids were born in the South. I didn't plan it that way but after 5.5 years it seemed despite my pleadings with God moving back to the NW was not going to happen.

Josh was born in Atlanta. He was supposed to be born in Calhoun, with my own Dr and one of my best friends as my OB nurse but no, he had to be all dramatic and come way early. To make a very long story short he was due Nov 20 and after a failed attempt Sept 5, he was born Oct 5. He was what the Southern Drs called a whimpy white boy. He's 6'4" now....

Josh is about 3 in this pic. Those blue eyes just melt me! I still wonder where they came from...

OK I know he's my kid but come on! Cutest ever! (Not to say Josh isn't equally as cute. Because he is!)

Almost 3 years later in a much quieter and easier fashion Tyler was born in Nashville. I had myself two Southern boys. We had now been living in the South for 9 years...
Last week we flew out to Florida for my husbands job interview. They generously offered to fly all 4 of us out and included amusement park tickets to the park of our choice. How nice I thought. Until I realized it was nothing but a bold face bribe to try and get the kids on board with moving to Florida! Sneaky....

I am doing my best to not bias the kids against this move. I can't help it if they notice me when I burst into tears or when I make innocent comments like "Isn't the NW the best place on earth to live!"

The boys initial reaction to the possibility of a move to Florida was mixed. Josh, who is more like his mother than he will ever admit, was interested. Adventure, something new, interesting...but like his mother he said to me "could we try it out for a month and then decide?" Which I thought was an excellent idea!

Ty who is not fooled by anyone said immediately "NO, I don't have any friends there and I'm not going!" Which was precisely what I had been wanting to say to my husband but as noted in an earlier post I am being an AMAZING wife!

Tickets to amusement parks was exciting and they were very relieved we had decided to allow them to come. Initially I didn't think it would be healthy for them to see their mother have such open disdain for a State but then I decided it might help me in the end....

Ultimately they were not fooled. My smart boys. They did show amazing maturity. When I asked Ty (who is 12) what he thought about Florida he said "two good things. 1 dad's job 2 roller coasters" Josh also noted that he recognized this was good for dad. He however had 3 concerns 1 School begins it 7:45am 2 School requires uniforms 3. School does not have a competitive soccer program. As far as Josh was concerned 3 strikes your out!

Josh and Ty are united in their decision that they do NOT want to move.

None of us wants to move...

Florida the first time

Checking out the St Louis Arch. I miss the days when the men wore the "short" shorts!
Checking out Colorado on our way to Florida. I thanked my new husband for doing such a nice job composing this picture and waiting to snap the picture only when everything looked just right :) In fairness I was experiencing a really bad perm at the time!

Don't we look happy? Married 6 months we had packed all we owned, which consisted of 1 bed, two dressers, one indestructible table with 4 chairs and a lamp, ( I still have the lamp) and drove in our Dodge Colt from Walla Walla to Orlando.
This is the only picture I can find of Jeff and I together while we lived in Florida (except for one were I'm wearing a bikini and while I thought I was fat then I would kill to look like that now!)
I was soooo excited! After a ridiculously large semi truck came by to pack our stuff and promised to deliver it safely to Orlando in a week or so.... Jeff and I were going on our first road trip! We had very little money and our plan was to drive across the country stopping in homes of people we could mooch off of along the way. The problem was there was a long stretch between Colorado City and Nashville, Tenn where we didn't know a soul...

I was excited because I had always wanted to travel. Go somewhere new and here was the chance. We were all grown up, married and heading out on our own. It was an important time. Jeff and I have often discussed how we think being out on our own early in our marriage really strengthened us. We fought and had our growing pains as we tried to figure out life as a married couple but while living so far from any family there was no one to run to. We had to face each other, we were all we had...
Now we have been married 21.5 years and we are facing the possibility of moving back...We don't fight near as much and we really enjoy living near family and we have awesome friends.
Still waiting for the phone to ring...hoping it doesn't

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I said I'd never go back....

Visiting the Atlantic. Very warm water, very hot day! I propose we switch the warm water from the Atlantic to the Pacific side since its cold out and we need something warm to swim in and give the Atlantic side our cold Pacific water because when it's so blasted hot outside the last thing you want is warm water!!!

Proof that it rains and rains hard in Florida

This is Shamu frolicing

Ahhh, happy boys

If you look very carefully you will see the Fry family screaming for their lives

I'm home. After 5 days in the sweltering heat of Florida I'm home. I don't understand how people live happily in places like Florida....and yet our family is seriously, dangerously close to moving there....again!
I'm sitting in my home in the NW with slippers on my feet, the heater purring in the background and a hot drink at my side. Yesterday I was darting from air conditioned space to air conditioned space.

Those of us living here in the Portland/Vancouver area have been complaining LOUDLY about our overly cool and wet Spring/Summer. It is June 22 and it is not "June like" at all outside. I myself even complained a bit before leaving for that great sandbar on the opposite corner of our country. But man! Consider the alternatives! It's just HOT. I would sit in the shade, perfectly still, only breathing and blinking and the sweat would roll down my back, my hands felt sticky all the time and my hair frizzed like Monica's did from Friends when they visited the Caribbean! Oh and by the way, it rained EVERY day we were there. A hot sauna like rain accompanied by fantastic lightening and thunder.

Why would we move? Will we move?

Like one in 6 Americans my husband finds himself in a position of losing his job. Due to a merger and no fault of his own he has a few months left and then poof its gone.

Apparently his dream job is in Orlando??????????? I have to admit it is a really great job and I think he deserves it. I even want him to have it...just not in Florida!!!

Side note; We lived there 21 years ago for 10 months. Yep, 10 months because I couldn't take it anymore. As we packed up and fled the State I said "I never, ever want to come back to this place. Not even for a visit!" Hmmmmmmmmmm

We have known about his job situation for several months. My husband has faithfully applied, and followed up on every possible lead in the beautiful NW. Nadda, zip, nothing is turning up!

So we flew out. Packed up the kids and decided to enjoy a free trip on them to go visit. "They" even threw in amusement park tickets. We packed a lot in. We visited schools, looked at houses, walked on the Cocoa Beach, visited a church, spent time with dear friends who drove 8hrs from Georgia to hold my hand and let me cry on their shoulder, watched Shamu frolic and play at Sea World and drove to Tampa to be terrified on roller coasters at Busch Gardens.

The kids and I wondered why the put such fun places in such a hot place????

My husband spent an entire day being interviewed. I really wanted to go. I thought I would be helpful in convincing "them" that they did not want to hire Jeff simply because they did not want to deal with his crazy wife! But he insisted I stay behind with the kids and do wifey things...
Naturally he loved the job and the people. They said in an unofficial way they loved him and would call next week...which is now this week. I want the phone to ring, but I don't want the phone to ring...

Are we moving??? I don't know. My husband feels torn between his career and his families happiness. For the record I am being a VERY supportive wife. Seriously! I'm AMAZING! But I think he knows the bubble might pop and he doesn't want to deal with the mess when that happens if we actually move.
Have I mentioned that I lived in the South for 9 years prior and prayed every day to come back to the NW???!!!