Friday, April 20, 2012

Its All Mental....Or I'm Mental...

So last week I was FREAKING out as usual...

As I looked at my calendar the next 4 Sundays I had school commitments...
Which just wore me out and discouraged me...
I rely on Sundays...
I get up early (can't sleep in anyway) the house is quiet and I get some serious studying done...
Jeff and I try to ride or do something active together
and
we try to get stuff done around the house to get ready for the next week.
And besides...why should I have to work on Sundays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More than anything my research paper and upcoming book review were looming and without Sunday study time and my weeks already consumed with teaching, mothering, wifing, etc I was killing myself trying to get everything done. ( I would like to pause and acknowledge that each one of you are doing the same thing and I do realize I am not the only busy, insane person....however this is my blog so indulge me :p )

The mental warriors were at it screaming in my head "you can't do it"  "you won't get it all done" "you will fail".

In desperation I went to school adm. and asked if I could please back out of going on the music tour (Thur - Sunday).  I was immensely relieved when the answer was yes. Suddenly I had two free days this week to study plus my Sunday!

Today my husband came home early and suggested we go for a bike ride...

We had eaten at my favorite Mexican resturant the night before which involved ALOT of quacomole and chips so I was feeling like...



However, as you know from my earlier bragging I'm feeling pretty fit - so when he suggested a ride to Woodland and back (back roads) I only paused for a minute before agreeing...

When I ride I am constantly considering where we are going and if the ride includes a hill (mountain) or two I begin fixating on the awful, no good, grueling, torturous, miserable, nasty, lung crushing, muscle burning hill.  I stress myself out until I reach the top and to my supreme relief realize that I made it and didn't die...

and USUALLY it is never as bad as I make it out to be in my head...

Today as we began riding I knew our route would take us through Ridgefield which meant dropping down, down into Ridgefield and I worried the entire ride about the turn around about the climb back out of Ridgefield. 

There were many hills on this ride and in spite of all my mental anxiety I did survive.  I lived to tell the tale.  It took about 15 minutes to get the feeling in my feet back and my whooohaaaa is in serious pain and I truly did almost fall over in the shower...But I could have enjoyed the ride so much more if I hadn't stressed so much about the hills...By the way it was 38 miles! I haven't riden 38 miles in one sitting ever! (except Bridge Peddal which doesn't count because there is lots of stopping).

I'm sure we all struggle with the mental attacks.  Lets just kick them in the butt and embrace whatever is ahead and take it one step (or pedal) at a time its rarely as bad as we think it is!

Thanks for listening to my humble ramblings and reading my horrible writing...Its a relief to not agonize over periods and commas...thanks for your indulgence :)

Frychik

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Reevaluating

Working on my Masters is bumming me out...

Taking pictures makes me happy...

So why am I spending money and hours and hours and hours working on my Masters and not on becoming a photographer?

Good question!








Frychik

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Proud

Is it ok to be proud?
It seems arrogant...
ESPECIALLY if its about yourself and you blog about it...

But I admit to being a bit narcissistic so that makes it ok right...

Or maybe if I assure you I am proud in a humble, grateful sort of way....which I am
But  I'm also just proud because it was hard and I pushed through and did it and I have earned the right to be proud...

All this proudness stems from the fact that a year ago I was 25lbs heavier than I am now...
But I haven't been 25lbs lighter for a year...yet.

I lost the 25 from mid July to early Sept. riding bikes and changing my diet.
And then the weather went to pot and the sun went to bed earlier and the garden froze and I was terrified of the dark, carb loaded winter that lay ahead of me.

So I resolved to run...and avoid those dang yummy carbs

I don't love running...but I also love being down 2 sizes and I do love having more muscle tone

I don't love gaining weight...I don't love running...but I REALLY don't like gaining what I had lost...

So I ran...

Faithfully

Thanksgiving  .... I ran

Christmas ... I ran

Jan - March dull drums... I ran

And while there were times when I dropped a couple more lbs and gained them back I never went above my 25lb mark

and for that I am proud!

And now it seems the sun has decided to stay out awhile longer and occasionally it stops raining and I am able to get some riding in.

Every year since I don't know when this is the time I fret about spring/summer clothes. Nothing fits, I'm fat I need to lose weight before I'm the fat girl on the boat again...I hate myself and beat myself up... and I never achieved anything.

While I CLEARLY will never be where my mind wants me to be ( 16 year old legs without spider veins, stretch marks or cellulite ) I am proud to be where I am this spring because it was HARD!

But worth it!

I did recently see a cartoon on FB where someone said something like...

I have realized my original weight is never gonna happen!
7lbs 14 ozs is jut not realistic!

LOL!

So thanks for letting me be proud.  I don't know how long it will last...I'm hoping to drop another 10 this summer.

And now for a picture...




Thanks for reading!

Frychik

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Pictures

Just some pictures from the weekend.
Let me know if you like anything :)























Frychik :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Sometimes you need to runaway...

First there was a train...

No wait...
First there was a friend...


She suggested a trip...

and years went by...
Literally!

Then there was a train...
I think I better speed this up...
Bottom line we headed out for an adventure.  We took the train and the ferry and one cab ride.  It was a blast! I highly recommend it.  No parking, no gas, no traffic...fabulous!



I showed Shan the gum wall...and then I tasted it... ;p



Once again I am in search of Art Wolfe... Last time his studio was closed because he was moving...
I found his new location and the man is STILL moving! I guess it takes a while to unpack when you are traveling the world!

 Speaking of world travel...My first stamp in my boring virgin passport!  I was way too excited about it.


 We sipped tea at Murchees...


I was attacked by Orcas...


Saw strange creatures ...

 
 Did you know there are dinosaurs in Canada?

 Saw rats at Pikes Market...

 Had a great room with a view...41st floor is high!

Hung out with one great gal!
Thanks for not giving up on me and planning a great trip friend!

Some things I don't have pictures of...

Star sighting - The blond Dr. from lost and Mrs. Clause from Santa Clause 2 - she was walking down the sidewalk with a bouquet of flowers from the market.  Very pretty in real life

Ego Boost - Browsed a bookstore and ordered books the gentleman who helped me thought I was 28!

Crazy woman in the bathroom - enough said

The overpowering stench of marijuana in the streets at night! Gracious isn't that illegal still!?

Running through downtown Seattle on a Sunday morning in the sunshine...

I will post some of my fav. pictures from the weekend later :)

Thanks for reading :)

Frychik