As I looked at my calendar the next 4 Sundays I had school commitments...
Which just wore me out and discouraged me...
I rely on Sundays...
I get up early (can't sleep in anyway) the house is quiet and I get some serious studying done...
Jeff and I try to ride or do something active together
and
we try to get stuff done around the house to get ready for the next week.
And besides...why should I have to work on Sundays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More than anything my research paper and upcoming book review were looming and without Sunday study time and my weeks already consumed with teaching, mothering, wifing, etc I was killing myself trying to get everything done. ( I would like to pause and acknowledge that each one of you are doing the same thing and I do realize I am not the only busy, insane person....however this is my blog so indulge me :p )
The mental warriors were at it screaming in my head "you can't do it" "you won't get it all done" "you will fail".
In desperation I went to school adm. and asked if I could please back out of going on the music tour (Thur - Sunday). I was immensely relieved when the answer was yes. Suddenly I had two free days this week to study plus my Sunday!
Today my husband came home early and suggested we go for a bike ride...
We had eaten at my favorite Mexican resturant the night before which involved ALOT of quacomole and chips so I was feeling like...
However, as you know from my earlier bragging I'm feeling pretty fit - so when he suggested a ride to Woodland and back (back roads) I only paused for a minute before agreeing...
When I ride I am constantly considering where we are going and if the ride includes a hill (mountain) or two I begin fixating on the awful, no good, grueling, torturous, miserable, nasty, lung crushing, muscle burning hill. I stress myself out until I reach the top and to my supreme relief realize that I made it and didn't die...
and USUALLY it is never as bad as I make it out to be in my head...
Today as we began riding I knew our route would take us through Ridgefield which meant dropping down, down into Ridgefield and I worried the entire ride about the turn around about the climb back out of Ridgefield.
There were many hills on this ride and in spite of all my mental anxiety I did survive. I lived to tell the tale. It took about 15 minutes to get the feeling in my feet back and my whooohaaaa is in serious pain and I truly did almost fall over in the shower...But I could have enjoyed the ride so much more if I hadn't stressed so much about the hills...By the way it was 38 miles! I haven't riden 38 miles in one sitting ever! (except Bridge Peddal which doesn't count because there is lots of stopping).
I'm sure we all struggle with the mental attacks. Lets just kick them in the butt and embrace whatever is ahead and take it one step (or pedal) at a time its rarely as bad as we think it is!
Thanks for listening to my humble ramblings and reading my horrible writing...Its a relief to not agonize over periods and commas...thanks for your indulgence :)
Frychik
