Thursday, September 16, 2010

I thought last week was rough...
I feel this week I have burned more calories by the stress I'm holding on to than anything else.

I'm sure you can relate...
Well, I hope you can't, but chances are you can.

Some of the stress is not appropriate to blog about so that leaves me wondering what to blog about...

So I'm gonna ask for advice regarding one of my current stresses....

My teenager. The one that will be turning 16 in a few weeks.
He's moody...
When I say he's moody I mean he could rival any girl!
I really was naive regarding boys and moodiness... I was operating under the blissful assumption that having all boys meant there would be no moodiness
I was wrong...it happens...

He is nice when he wants something and that's about it lately.
He pretty much stays in his room which does not have a computer or TV in it so I'm not sure what the attraction is...Well, yes I do. He's avoiding his annoying, pathetic family.

I should let you know that I have been dealing with his moodiness for awhile now. I have really struggled with what to do. My approach has generally been to blow up, give him a lecture that he doesn't listen to and then next time I see him act like nothing has happened in hopes he will be friendly again.
I have this hang up with the idea that if I stay mad at him he will believe I only love him conditionally. But he doesn't apologize on his own. He can see me to the point of tears overwhelmed with frustration and that boy doesn't crack.

I remember being a mouthy, opinionated, independent teenager. But when I saw that I had pushed my mom too far I would stop. I would apologize. I would want to make amends. He doesn't seem to care. It kills me!

I would like to pause and say I love Josh very much and he is a good kid. I could spend much more time talking about his goodness so please don't get the picture that he is an awful kid. He is just acting like an awful kid!

So his latest "thing" just pushes me to the edge...a scary dark edge..I will go into his room and try to have a conversation with him. I purposefully go in all bright and cheery in an attempt to get him to talk. Sometimes he's friendly and things go well but lately it has been so rude.
For starters, he won't look at me. He mumbles when he does speak. I mean I am sitting right next to him in a quiet room and I can't hear him. He doesn't move his lips when he talks. Unbelievable. I find it absolutely infuriating! But as I swallow my anger and ask him "what's wrong?" He answers "nothing". I ask "why are you acting this way then?" He say "I don't know." I say "well then, stop it" and I get nothing. He continues to stare down at his lap.

So last night I got mad. I think it's my defensive nature. I haven't done a thing wrong to this kid! I have feed him, clothed him, driven him, cheered for him and I get this??? I don't know why I got mad, it doesn't do a darn thing.

No knock on the door to say he was sorry.

So this morning I had a choice. I could try to be all happy and friendly in hopes he would be the same or I could let him take the lead, which I did.

He didn't say a word to me this morning. Not one. So I didn't make him his lunch. I didn't ask if he needed a ride to school. I took Ty to school and went to FM to get milk it was then I got a text from my son asking if I would be able to take him to school this morning. I said, sorry I didn't know, you didn't ask and now I'm buying milk...

So, what is the good parent to do? Act like nothing is wrong and expect the teenager to be dreadful. Which to me honestly feels like being a doormat. Sure abuse me all you want and still expect me to do things for you.
Or just let him take the lead like I did this morning???

Wow! I needed to vent. Sorry about that. I really will try to keep this a cheery blog

Frychik

4 comments:

  1. Well, mine aren't teenagers yet, but I do think at some point you have to let them take the lead. I can't imagine how tough this morning was, but when I read what you did, I shouted a silent 'Yay Shelly' for standing up for yourself. You are not only raising your boys to be respectful men, but you are also teaching them what makes a good wife and mother. You have shown him love for the past 15 years, that impact won't be erased by his stint as a moody teenager.
    Can I add, I'm a little bummed to hear he is so moody! I too, was thinking I escaped moodiness when I God gave me boys!
    Jasmine

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Jasmine! Yes, brace yourself for the "moodyness" we don't get a free pass!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shelly I wish I had words of wisdom, but I am learning/searching just like you. Know that you are not alone and you ARE A GREAT MOM!!! Courage as you are teaching Josh to "man up"!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tanna, it is such a comfort to have friends who offer encouraging words! Thank you very much!

    ReplyDelete